The Rescuing of Nagato Yuki by Haruhi Suzumiya
by RavenclaWriteRules
Summary: When Nagato is deleted by the Data Overmind and Ryoko Asakura takes her place, Kyon now is forced to team up with Haruhi to retrieve her. Includes; the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend Power, why Koizumi gets slapped, and a failed attempt to soften Asakura's heart with fake love notes.
1. The Stranger with Chocolate

I have to say that a lot of strange things have happened here in the SOS Brigade, however among them, this was most likely the strangest one of all. Of course, besides the fact we have an alien, an esper, a time traveler, and a walking talking Deus Ex Machina and crazy adventures between her back. It seems as if normality, reality, logic, and sense have decided to go on a vacation without sending us a post card.

One would think that the supernatural life would come with a warning that said "Warning! The supernatural life is highly dangerous, exhaustive, and does not make any sense! There are no visible benefits to it! You will experience all sorts of crazy things you do not want to." Unfortunately, Nagato forgot to say something like that.

Seriously though, Nagato...couldn't you just have told me something like "You will become friends with an emotionally unstable girl who can delete the world, a guy who with a questionable sexuality and motives, your adorable but slightly ineffectual senpai, and watch me prevent you from dying"?

Or something, you know.

At any, something did happen and it was of noticeable proportions. I can still remember how it started out. Haruhi had been experiencing another period of extreme boredom and melancholy. One time I even caught her humming an anime theme song, and randomly asking Taniguchi what the meaning to life was. Without seizing him or threatening to kick him if he did not comply. Nagato had been reading her sci-fi novels quietly in the corner of the clubroom, sort of like an accessory, only flipping a page or blinking when nobody was looking. Koizumi had taken to walking around the school aimlessly, telling me he was a bit concerned. I wasn't. Koizumi probably popped about five of these on me during random relaxed moments, as he obviously possessed a "Life is Too Peaceful" alarm. I swear, if one needed to create an AI copy of Koizumi, it would pretty much just announce every few weeks "Imminent danger regarding Suzumiya Haruhi! Beep! Beep!"

At the time, I was doing nothing. I simply walked first into the clubroom, as was my habit, when all of a sudden I was seized from behind and everything went dark.

Actually, after this much time, nothing really had surprised me. I mean, if I could count how many times random things had happened and get paid fifty yen for each one, I could maybe buy a chocolate bar.

Sitting in front of me was a tired looking boy. He had short brown hair, was around my height, and broke a piece off of a chocolate bar, eating a chunk. I sat up and breathed heavily.

"Hey," he said.

"Who are you?" I asked, confused.

"I wish you good luck. Here, a note from your future self, he also wishes you well," he replied without answering my question, handing me the chocolate bar.

_Great, another strange note. You would think at least one would be a love confession! After all, I go to a club where the ratio of girls to guys is 3:2. Oh, bother. Well, last time I checked I wasn't a narcissist, so this probably isn't one, either. _

I knew exactly what to do with it: plant in my pocket and shove it to the deepest place possible until I forgot about it. Then I felt a sudden bite on my shoulder, and I blacked out again.

Asahina-senpai would be so proud of me.


	2. Sounds Like Trouble

Haruhi was walking along the school grounds, looking very bored.

"Life is more interesting as a boy, isn't it?" she asked me. "I wonder what I'd be like as one."

"Well, Asahina-san would be afraid of you," I blurted out before I could shut my mouth properly.

_Way to be progressive, Kyon._

Haruhi looked at me and stared out the window, considering this. "I guess I wouldn't be able to dress her up when I wanted to anymore...unless maybe I could get Tsuruya-senpai to for me?"

_No, Haruhi, do not spread your extreme lack of empathy for Asahina-senpai to Tsuruya-senpai, or I seriously will tell Nagato to remove your powers again, and you will be a sweet, tea-loving, subdued normal girl who likes to make chocolate for Valentines' Day. Do you want that? I know neither of us want to!_

She stared out the window and closed her eyes, then opened them again. Sort of like she expected to see a celestial, or Nagato holding a white knight saying "Checkmate" tonelessly. She frowned.

"I had a weird dream once," she said.

"What was it?" I asked.

"Strange," she answered. "You remember the day I came into class with a ponytail?"

"Maybe," I answered uncomfortably.

_I still don't think it was a dream, that night. I really do think you created a closed space with a celestial where we were stuck. Please don't kill me for kissing you...  
_

"I..." Haruhi bit her lip pensively. "I woke up screaming."

"Ah..."

_Well, thanks for notifying me that I shouldn't become a paramedic and save lives through artificial resuscitation, Haruhi.  
_

"Haruhi..."

"Hm?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"What?" she asked again.

"I...forgot," I lied.

She turned towards me and frowned. "Don't say useless things if they have no purpose! It's a waste of words. If you're going to, give me a warning so I can walk away, or just keep them to yourself!"

_Ah, now she's back to normal._

"Besides, you didn't ask for permission to speak in the first place!" she added, her face visibly angry.

"I-"

"Keep it to yourself!" she yelled before turning around and storming away. Some of the schoolgirls rushed out of the classroom whispering. I sighed, then just realized it, and took a deep breath.

_Uh-oh, Haruhi just had a mood swing and stormed away angrily._

_Three...two...one..._

"Please come with me," Koizumi, who had not been there before, suddenly was right next to me.

Nailed it.

* * *

"Do you have a Suzumiya Mood Meter?" I asked Koizumi. He chuckled lightly, showing he was not pleased with my snark.

"No," he answered.

"Extrasensory perception, as usual?"

"Paranoia," he answered, with a smile that said _Think of the Endless Eight, my friend_. "Now please recount to me what you and Suzumiya-san were talking about, your love life interests me so."

"She got angry because I forgot what I was going to say, and stomped away angrily," I replied.

Koizumi put a finger to his mouth thoughtfully. "Ah, is that so? How curious."

_Doesn't believe me, does he?_

"Koizumi, have you ever considered being a girl?" I asked.

He chuckled lightly again, "I can't say so."

"Could Nagato fix it if Haruhi turned you into one?"

"Nagato-san has many incredible powers," Koizumi answered airily, as if I had been the one who had initiated this talk. "As for Suzumiya-san's powers, she seems to have created an open space where there are currently a much larger number of celestials there. Ah, what a lovely view," he walked over the window sill to wipe a smidgen of dust from it.

_Translation: Tell me what happened here before I dangle you out of this window._

"At any rate, did Suzumiya-san bring up the night of the closed space with you two stuck in it?" Koizumi asked.

"No."_ Technically she brought up the day after it._

"Really now?" Koizumi smiled at me. "Well, that's great," he said. "No worries, huh? I guess that new closed space is just due to adolescent mood swings."

"Be glad for this silence before the storm, next thing you know she'll force some crazy adventure to America on us or something," I countered his sarcasm. Who knew Koizumi was able to tread onto my territory with his pure pretty boy image? Next thing you know, I'll be smiling constantly like him and Asahina-san will start reading sci-fi books without moving.

"Indeed," Koizumi answered.

Little did I know I should not be afraid for Haruhi, but myself and Nagato.


	3. Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction

I was so bored that I actually read that note from my future self. Yes, it got that desperate. I can't think of what sort of boredom could have befallen me to do such a stupid and pointless thing.

"Please thank Asahina-san, slap Koizumi, take care of Nagato, watch closer over Haruhi, and slap Koizumi again."

_Well, I suppose I could go and slap Koizumi, the guy who has the power to destroy giants and create miniature suns to fight giant cockroaches, for no reason at all. Yeah, that sounds pretty sensible. Anything else to say, O Highly Revered Future Self? Man, he sounds like an idiot..._

"Here is a chocolate bar. Do not offer it to anyone. Treat it as something highly important and dangerous, such as a TPDD."

_The TPDD, Asahina-san's time machine, also known as the Temporal Plane Destruction Device. Ah, so what do we have here? The Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction? Really, how discreet, future self._

"It _is _discreet. You will get looks and a confiscation if you carry around that gun Nagato gave you when Haruhi disappeared from the world, but it's perfectly normal if you're carrying a bar of chocolate in your back pocket."

_Good point. Okay, all I have to do is make sure my little sister doesn't steal it from me._

"And please check your pockets before you do any laundry, got it? Thank you."

Out of curiosity, I took our the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction and yawned.

It seemed pretty ordinary.

"That is an ordinary chocolate bar," I heard a monotonous voice behind me and turned around. Nagato was standing at the entrance of the clubroom.

"Oh, hey Nagato," I tried not to sound shaky. She nodded, her face expressionless as usual. "Do you know what this is for?" I waved it.

She paused before answering, "It is an ordinary chocolate bar," then returning to her corner and reading. She seemed as though she thought I was playing a terrible joke. I sighed.

"Actually, it is a nuclear bomb," she finished, "which will explode upon immediate consumption."

I gaped. My future self had handed me such a dangerous object? Was he truly an idiot?

Then I realized it was another of Nagato's jokes, delivered without any change in expression or hints they were jokes.

"Nagato..."

Just then, I heard loud footsteps. Immediately I shoved the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction into my back pocket and tried to look casual. Haruhi burst into the room, grinning from ear to ear. I sighed.

"I have an awesome idea!" she yelled. Then she noticed it was just Nagato and me. "Hey, Kyon, you weren't doing anything weird with Yuki, right?" she gave me a suspicious glance. I shook my head. No, besides handling nuclear chocolate bar bombs of molecular destruction and reading notes from my idiot future self, I don't think so. "Anyway, I have such a great idea, quick, go get Mikuru and Koizumi!"

With that, Haruhi somehow grabbed me by the collar and hauled me out the door.

Somehow, Haruhi managed a ten-minute walk while dragging my extra weight in what seemed about ten seconds. I sighed.

"Quick, grab hold of him!" Haruhi ordered. She ran at Koizumi, then made a sharp turn and started to exit the classroom. I had a half-second to choke on my tie and make an urgent gesture at him. Immediately Koizumi stood up, nodded, and called out "Bathroom Emergency!" then ran after Haruhi and I.

_Seriously, Koizumi, you really have got to work on your acting. I should have known, the way you kiss up to Haruhi should have tipped me off._

"Mikuruuuu!" Haruhi yelled, dashing into the girls' bathroom while dragging me. Girls screamed and tried to cover up. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"B-but I'm not ready!" Asahina-san yelped. I covered my eyes.

"Ehhh? But we've been waiting for long enough! Look here, Kyon has been waiting for you!" Haruhi whined.

_Excuse me? Who dragged who in here?_

So, Haruhi rushed out of the girls' bathroom with screams of indignation as to girls threw their PE clothes and shoes at me. Koizumi rejoined us and quickly walked back to the classroom.

"Geez! You guys dared to be late!" Haruhi complained. "If you're going to be late, then say so, so I don't have to fetch you! Got it? If you're later than you said you would be, I'll go after you!"

I rolled my eyes.

Haruhi cleared her throat. "Alright, I have a biiig surprise for you guys, so you have to be five minutes late, okay? Otherwise you'll see it and it'll all be for nine!"

_Don't you mean 'for naught'?_

"We are going to look-" Haruhi paused and grinned, "for espers!"

I couldn't help but look at Koizumi. He nodded and answered, "What a great idea. I have always wanted to meet one since I was a child."

_Yes, you idiot, and I suppose Asahina-san's favorite movie is Back to the Future and Nagato adores 2001: A Space Odyssey._

"Yes! We are going to find an esper! An esper! Next, we'll go after aliens, and time-travelers, and maybe even a slider!"

Please, no. I don't think I could handle another weirdo.

"A-aliens?" Asahina-san asked nervously.

"Yes, Mikuru! Aliens! Aliens!" Haruhi answered, grinning and hugging her. Asahina-san yelped as Haruhi tickled her.

_Seriously, Haruhi...if you ever become a boy, you certainly will get some very weird looks just for behaving normally._

"And when we find him, we'll throw him in the club room and lock him up and feed him black bread and water until he gives us information!"

I made a mental note to teach Koizumi how to pick locks and to hire Nagato to transfigure black bread into onigiri.

"Him?" Asahina-san asked nervously.

"Of course it'll be a him! We have two males and three cute girls in this club, why shouldn't we get another male?" Haruhi suggested.

I calculated quickly.

Mention of slider + subconscious desire for a new male club member + desires to become a boy + extreme boredom + desire to find a living breathing esper=

1\. Koizumi's identity comes out.

2\. We meet a male slider who joins our club.

3\. Haruhi becomes a boy with esper or slider powers

4\. I become a slider

5\. What about that mysterious person I met, with the chocolate bar? This reminds me of what Asahina-san (Big) mentioned, about predetermined events.

6\. Koizumi becomes a slider

I gulped. Koizumi was also doing the math and he, being better than I at math, was starting to look a little pale. I would have too if I was him. Especially with the black bread and water thing. Would Haruhi really starve him? Probably. Well, Koizumi, at least she hasn't mentioned anything about Siberia, Alcatraz or Chateau D'Îf yet.

"First, we have to look for strange signs of activity!" Haruhi whispered. "I know, we'll go ask Tsuruya-senpai for help! The more the merrier, right? But Kyon, don't try anything funny with Tsuruya-senpai, got it?" Haruhi stuck her face at me and sent me her trademark "It's either you or me" glare.

_I guess I won't try anything funny, Haruhi, so long as you don't either._

"What do you mean? I never try anything funny! I'm always serious! Right, Mikuru?" Haruhi demanded. Asahina-san made an adorable _eep_ of surprise and nodded quickly, her face flushing.

"So, you guys better be here late by five minutes, and if you're too late, I'll write you down in the Doomsday Book! Got it?" Haruhi demanded, her tone meaning business.

"I guess I'll just have to, I don't really have anything to do," Koizumi coolly answered. Haruhi grinned delightedly. Honestly, those two would make the perfect pair, what with Koizumi always saying the right things and Haruhi always getting what she wants from him.

"Well, good!" Haruhi yelled. "It's going to be real, real, real great!" She hollered before running out and slamming the door. "I'll prepare it!"

_Well, well, well, she finally stopped locking us in like a cage of rats._

I turned towards Koizumi.

"I think you know what we need to do now," I said.

"I guess so," he answered smiling brightly as usual.

"Let's see...I got enough money to buy about three sandwiches, which we can hide in that nook Haruhi never uses, do you have any guides of lockpicking? Too bad you can't teleport or use your powers outside of closed space...if we just buy you a bag of rice, could you survive?"

"I suppose...it we bought a stove, and asked Asahina-san where she gets her water for the tea..."

"Tea!" Asahina-san squeaked. She immediately ran out of the room. Koizumi and I locked eyes for a moment, then both rushed after her. We followed her until we reached the girls' bathroom.

"..."

Just as Asahina-san entered, a barrage of girls peaked out and stared at us.

"That's the guy who was standing outside of the bathroom!" One pointed at Koizumi.

"There! There's the Peeping Tom!" Some girls pointed at me. I grabbed Koizumi's hand, and hissed "Run!" As we ran back to the club room, we were pelted with shoes, combs, books, socks, sprayed at with deodorant, and yelled at.

_Haruhi, give me your powers!_ I thought desperately, and somehow we made the fifteen minute walk in five seconds.

When we returned, Asahina-san was letting out a sigh of relief and offering Nagato green tea. We sat down, and I gasped for air. Asahina-san gave me tea.

"Thank you so much," I gasped.

"Mhm," Asahina-san smiled. "If I don't make any tea, I don't feel right."

"Alright, Koizumi," I sighed, "can you survive on Asahina-san's tea and rice? I'll try to sneak you some takoyaki or ramen if possible.

"That need...not happen, if we can prevent Suzumiya-san from...discovering anything," Koizumi answered, trying to hide how he was exhausted.

"I know," I said suddenly.

"What?" Koizumi asked.

"It's easy, Koizumi. We can do something without her learning anything."

Koizumi smiled in a way that showed he did not believe me at all, with strawberries and cream on top.

"Listen," I said, "there's a loophole we can take advantage of that fits all the requirements of Haruhi's subconscious desires..."


	4. I Have A Clone

"Alright, guys! Listen up! Just because it's the weekend and we're going to a private mansion doesn't mean we get to relax! If you don't find any espers, there will be a punishment! For all of you!" Haruhi yelled.

_Trust us, we will._

"Hey, Koizumi," I asked, "where's Arakawa-san, the butler? I thought he was coming?"

Koizumi made a show of smiling and putting a finger to his lips mysteriously, shaking his head. He had flung the bait, which Haruhi took. She strode up to him and demanded "Well, tell us!" Then, suddenly a grin covered her face. "Or...is it a secret?"

"Bingo," Koizumi sighed with fake defeat. "Now you've got me."

"Ha-ha!" Haruhi yelled. "Tell us!"

_She sounds like the kind of person to shake Christmas gift boxes or put them through an X-ray machine._

"Now! Now!" Haruhi yelled.

"We will be playing a game," Koizumi answered nonchalantly.

"Cool! Don't tell me any more!" Haruhi yelled.

_Please try to sit still, you're going to bring the plane down!_

As usual, Haruhi talked and talked and did not thank Koizumi for lending us his private jet for this adventure. Honestly, I wasn't surprised by anything. By the time we had arrived, I was tired and was promptly slapped awake by Haruhi.

"Ow! What was that for?" I sighed.

"Well, because you were dozing off, idiot! Right during your Brigade Leader's talk!" Haruhi yelled. "Now pay attention or I'll throw you out of the plane!"

_I wouldn't put that past her._ "Yes, I'm paying full attention, thank you."

Koizumi made a gesture of brushing dust off his sleeve, confusing me. He tilted his head, and tapped it twice. I closed my eyes.

"So, what are we doing at this island resort, Koizumi?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, I haven't planned anything besides the hide and-well, I guess we could do just about anything," he answered.

"Hide and seek? That's a children's game!" Haruhi frowned. "What, are we three year-olds?" She turned around and stared at us all; Koizumi, Nagato, Mikuru and I. But her playful grin returned. "Playing a children's game in a secret resort? I like it! Let's do that!" she yelled. "Mikuru, let's put on a different outfit for the occasion!" She sized the poor Asahina-san and ran off into the next room, grabbing a mysterious bag of clothes.

"Koizumi," I spoke.

"Hm?" he asked calmly.

I slapped him.

"Sorry."

He fell back, surprised.

"Sorry," I said. "A note from my future self said to slap you."

"I was merely surprised you had it in you." Koizumi raised an eyebrow, rubbing his cheek. "A note?"

"I know I should have told you earlier, but..." The strange incident with the mysterious girl, Haruhi's moody talks, and the note poured forth. Koizumi's expression grew more worried. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me immediately?" he asked. "At this rate, we have a high possibility of things not working out..."

"I know," I answered. "I'm sorry."

"Miss Nagato, please analyze the contents of the chocolate bar again," Koizumi requested. I harrumphed. _This guy always seems to think he's the leader. "_From now on, tell me every new event immediately."

"Understood," I answered, handing over the chocolate bar to Nagato who grasped it with both hands.

Nagato stared at the bar silently. I wondered if she wanted to eat it or something.

"The chocolate bar is completely ordinary," she finished.

"Oh," I answered, surprised. Koizumi did not look convinced, but gave up the cause and ordered me to hide the chocolate bar.

Haruhi returned immediately, conveniently missing out on our conversation, with Asahina-san dressed up in a lolita dressed and her hair into low pigtails, looking so embarrassed she wanted to jump off the plane.

"You look lovely," Koizumi acknowledged Haruhi's excellent choice, as he always does.

"Isn't she adorable? Ahhhh, I just want to have you as my little sister now!" Haruhi grinned and hugged Asahina-san who blushed. _Ah, Asahina-san! You, who are usually dressed up in sleazy outfits, now are so adorable and pure in this lolita outfit! Why, you look young enough to be-_

"Ehh, Kyon-kun, what are you thinking, hmm? Are you thinking weird stuff again?" Haruhi asked.

"Absolutely not," I answered. Koizumi smiled and Nagato continued to read her sci-fi book as Haruhi beamed and boasted about her excellent sense of fashion. Asahina-san awkwardly stumbled around falling, due to the fact she had stockings, a petticoat, and a rather full skirt.

When we finally arrived, we were greeted by the lovely maid Mori-san.

"Eh? What happened to Arakawa-san?" Haruhi asked. "Is he really hiding?"

Mori-san smiled and answered "Why, he is waiting to be found indeed."

She led us into the private resort, which was incredibly luxurious. Haruhi squinted and pulled out a pair of binoculars to peer around with. She finally led us into a small round room and gave us each a map of the resort.

"Here you go. Feel free to go anywhere, please wear these tracking devices, and good luck. If you need help, just press on the watches' display, and helicopters will be sent to find you." I stared at Koizumi. He shrugged. _Rich_ _brat!_

"Alright, let's pick teams now!" Haruhi yelled, giving Mori-san her cue to leave us. She must not have had any ideal choices in mind, because I ended up with her and Nagato, while Koizumi and Mikuru were left together. "I hope something exciting happens! Remember last time how there was a murder mystery plot?" _Yeah, the one Koizumi con__ceived just so your wishes would not wreak havoc on us! _"Maybe there'll be a mysterious sabotage! Ooh, I bet somebody drowned in the pool!" she added. I sighed. "Or maybe there's a ghost that haunts all of the resort's visitors-"

_Oh, great. Booby traps. I hope prosthetic legs aren't too expensive nowadays._

* * *

Haruhi had already jumped out at several bushes, insisting that Arakawa-san was hiding in them and wearing camouflage. I was surprised she hadn't whined about the traps we tripped being boring-a few pitfalls, and a bucket of writhing amphibians. Naturally, I got the pitfalls and the bucket, surprisingly, got Nagato. Haruhi laughed at how many twigs and lizards were stuck in our hair and painfully yanked them out for us.

I was getting a bit tired of the pitfall traps and noticed yet another one. Grunting, I slowly tiptoed over it and stepped on a thick branch. Suddenly, I was catapulted three feet into the air, and fell down, with a vague crunching noise.

"Owww..." I grunted.

"Kyon! You idiot! Don't be so stupid, you have to watch out for traps!" Haruhi jumped over the deep pit deftly without triggering the catapult trap. I groaned.

"Jeez! Yuki, Kyon, can't you two take care of yourselves? Boriiing," Haruhi whined.

That's when it happened. Lying on the ground, my head flopped lifelessly onto my shoulder, and I stared blearily into the bush. Two eyes peered at me, and I could see a crouched, barely distinguishable form. It was camouflaged into the green leaves of the bush.

"A-Arakawa-san!" I hollered. "F-found you!"

Then it all happened in a flash. The figure stared at me and its face came closer. Instantly I noticed it was not Arakawa-san's face, at all. It looked exactly like mine. I tensed up.

"Arakawa? Where!" Haruhi yelled. She jumped at the bush. I heard a scream of fear and the person in the bush moved back, but fell over, and Haruhi, howling with glee, fished him out much to his despair. Her face turned pale and went nearly green, then she stared at me then back at the person.

He looked exactly like me, a twin. Nagato's eyes widened as she too stared at him. How had she not noticed his presence?

"K-K-Kyon?" Haruhi gasped. "Ky..."

Just then I heard a loud whirring noise and all the blood ran up to my head, and I couldn't breathe or feel anything. I tried to cry out but there was too much air pressure to do so. I blacked instantly.


	5. Hi, I Tried to Kill You Twice

When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a familiar, not-too-likable face. _It_ grinned at me and I hollered.

"Did you miss me?" a soft, sweet voice asked calmly. _It_ giggled. "I was hoping to meet you again someday."

"No! You shouldn't be here!" I hollered, sweat running down my face already. "As-a-ku-ra...Ryoko..." I gasped.

"Oh, don't say that, Kyon-kun," it giggled again. "Everything has its own place in the universe. So says the Data Overmind."

_It_ swung _Its_ long blue hair and grabbed my hand. I slapped _Its_ hand. _Its_ grin widened. "Come on, Kyon-kun. We need to go back now."

"No! I don't want to! Go away!" I screamed. "You-devil!"

"Come on, we're going to be late, Kyon-kun," _Its_ voice answered sweetly and coolly.

"I refuse! Go away!" I tried to kick _It_, but _It_ simply sighed.

"Kyon-kun, you're so troublesome," _It_ sighed. "Do you want a candy to calm you?" _It_ asked, and pulled out a familiar serrated knife. I screamed. "Just kidding~" _It_ giggled childishly. "I'm not allowed to kill you."

"You're not?" I raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Mmh-mh," _It_ shook _Its_ head. "I'm to bring you and your friends safe and sound, back to where you belong, and erase memories."

_I feel so much safer, thanks._

"Um, no, and where are we and who was that stranger who looked like me?"

_It_ shrugged. "I dunno," _It_ answered. "I can tell you we're in a closed space."

"So you're an esper now?"

"No, a closed space formed after the sighting incident, and I have my ways," _It_ answered. "But you can trust me, Kyon-kun."

"Don't call me that and don't touch me."

_It_ giggled _Its_ sick, sweet giggle. "You can try and prevent me, if you like."

* * *

_It_ looked exactly the same as the last time I had seen it. Long bluish black hair, wide blue eyes, and _It_ looked as innocent as any other schoolgirl.

_Wait_.

"You're not-"

"Kyon-kun, please don't interrupt me," _It_ answered coolly. "I am busy. If you want to help, please gather them into one spot." _It_ pointed at scattered bodies within the closed spaces. "Bring them all. I have put them to sleep."

I sighed. _Might_ _as_ _well_. I dragged Koizumi, Mikuru, and Haruhi into one place, cursing at that guy who looked like me in the bush.

"Maybe this is what my future self told me to slap you for," I told an unconscious Koizumi. "At any rate, he sure is grouchy for carrying a grudge about such a trivial thing...though you could lose a few pounds, friend."

_It_ walked towards me.

"Transporting various people is trouble. I'm calling in help."

"Why?" I demanded.

_It_ ignored me. "Please go to sleep," _It_ answered, and before I knew what was going on, _Its_ hand was in my face and I had fallen asleep again.

* * *

I woke up in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Maybe it had been a dream. Maybe I just had a hallucination and fell asleep, and Haruhi had me shipped back to my house. Or maybe it was a vivid dream, created from many adventures with strange and ghastly experiences. All I knew was that I could not fall back asleep.

That was when something occurred to me. I had not seen Nagato among the piled bodies. _It_ was the one escorting me back. I had seen a clone of myself, or maybe...a person from another timeline? That mysterious girl who gave me the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction, and the note from my future self. I reached into my back pocket. I found I was not in my pajamas, but fully clothed. I grinned.

_Even Nagato would be smart enough to check my pockets if she was trying to erase my memory. Take that, Ryoko Asakura._

I pulled out the crumpled note from my future self and the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction.

They probably had somehow prevented my memory from being taken away. Just then, my mind flashed to when Nagato handed me back to chocolate bar. Maybe she had put some sort of enhancement on it, sensing some danger. Well, whatever it was, it had prevented me forgetting her. Ingenious.

My future self had said something about eating it only when I needed it. I experimentally bit off a tiny chunk. I felt fine for a few minutes.

Suddenly, the most painful sensation ran through my body as it started to shrink and I could feel my legs starting to seize, then my body went numb and I shut my eyes. Slowly, blood returned to my legs and I could feel them. I sat up and massaged my toes until they warmed up, and noticed something odd. I then stared at myself, wrapped myself in a blanket and walked over to the bathroom mirror.

A high-pitched scream pierced the air.

I ran back to my room as quickly as possible and scrambled madly, looking for the chocolate bar.

"Kyon-kun? Are you okay? That scream was girly! You sounded like you hurt yourself-are you okay?" My little sister's plaintive, sleepy voice called. I scrabbled around in the blankets of my bed, trying to cover up. "Kyon-kun?"

"DON'T COME IN! I WET THE BED!" I screamed. A sheet peeled back, horrifying me, and my little sister stared at me questioningly. I gulped.

"What's wrong?" my sister asked. She tugged and the entire blankets fell off. I swallowed.

"Do-do I look weird?" I asked.

"No," she said, puzzled. "Are you okay? You're tired. Go back to sleep."

"Y-yes, I'm fine, just get out so I can clean the sheets," I sighed. My sister looked at me quizzically.

I decided to re-dub the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend Power, and shoved it with the note in to the lowest drawer of the wardrobe of my mom's and sister's clothes they store in my room. No way I was going to sleep with that in my back pocket.

_Should I feed that to Koizumi?_


	6. The Good Friend

"Get up Kyon-kun," my little sister shook the bed and tugged the coverlet and jumping on top of it. I sighed and dragged myself out. Another morning.

Taniguchi complained about how he didn't have a girlfriend even though we were in the springtime of our youth. I asked him not to use that expression. It sounded wrong on him.

Asakura-san suggested that we do a new class project to help us get higher scores biology. We should take in caterpillars and watch them transform into butterflies. I wondered what a pupa felt like between becoming a butterfly and being a caterpillar. Uncomfortable, I supposed. She smiled at me and took her seat behind me. I raised an eyebrow, and stretched.

Haruhi sat at the club computer moodily, sketching something, and randomly lectured us on being proper and keeping up a good appearance.

"Sorry, Haruhi, but if we ever had a good reputation, it's already gone. We're lucky if Taniguchi continues to hang out with me without wearing a paper bag with eye holes on his head."

I didn't eat any lunch, I was too tired and Haruhi was up in my face asking me if we had taken roll call. We never had, so I called out names and Koizumi and Asahina-san answered they were present. Haruhi proceeded to punch me for not caling on her, and I offered her my lunch. She irritably shoveled it into her mouth, sort of like an unhappy child stuffing itself on chocolate, and grumpily jiggled the computer mouse some more.

Then I returned home and vaguely remembered I had a chocolate bar hidden somewhere. I reached into the bottom drawer and found a crumpled note and a chocolate bar. My eyes glittered ravenously, and mouth salivating, I grabbed at the shiny wrapper.

Then the memories hit me like a shove in the face. It was sort of like dreaming about being happy that you are seeing an old friend or you finally got Asahina-san to laugh at your incredible charm, then you realize you're really just dreaming. I fell back, and it felt as if my heart had been broken. I clutched at my chest, gasping and crying and wincing.

Nagato had been stolen, ripped, taken, grabbed, out of my life.

Granted, we never really were close, but it was suddenly so terrible that something could just reach in and snatch somebody who I knew out of my life, erasing everything of them. It was so terrible that somebody who I knew just yesterday had in a short time been spirited away and forgotten. I crawled on the floor, gasping and groaning, sinking onto the floor in shock.

Suddenly, a part of my speech with Nagato after Haruhi's disappearance echoed in my head.

"_If your boss even tries anything funny, then I'll join up with Haruhi and change the world completely_."

I growled. Slowly I picked myself off the floor and stood up, grunting with effort.

I had a few questions to ask _It_.

First of all, I had a favor to ask of my little sister.

"Eh? You want me to write you a note? Can't you write it yourself?" She asked.

"No, your handwriting is better, boys have terrible penmanship," I answered. Her eyes lit up, flattered. "Can you write the word "chocolate" for me?"

"Okayyy," she answered, and wrote it in sloppy handwriting. I sighed. "Why do you need it?"

"Oh, I need to remember to buy you some chocolate since you've been waking me up faithfully every morning."

"Yaayyyy! Chocolaaaaate!" My sister pranced away, doing a dance. I took the note and taped it write across from my bed, so when I woke up I could see it.

* * *

I groaned as my sister woke me up and pranced off to the bathroom without me. I sighed and groggily blinked at the note across from me.

_Chocolate!_ In bad, messy handwriting. My sister's, apparently. I didn't feel in the mood for chocolate, but something in the back of my mind was nagging me. I reached over for the drawers and touched the chocolate bar. A chill ran up my spine as I remembered.

Nagato! My brain yelled at me.

For a second, I stood paralyzed and staring at the chocolate bar, blinking. My little sister's voice called. My mouth moved automatically, but my mind seemed to be frozen with fear that Haruhi, my litlte sister, Koizumi, Asahina-san, or just anyone would just vanish like that. The last time I remembered this hollowness, it was when I thought Haruhi had disappeared.

It was so scary, I crawled into a corner. On second thought, I grabbed the chocolate bar and the note from my future self, shoving them into my pocket, afraid of forgetting again and feeling that crushing remembrance that my life had lost someone.

_I don't want to, _I groaned_._

_But_ _you_ _have_ _to_, another voice said. _If Nagato's been deleted, it's a bit difficult for her to rescue herself. Besides, you swore to yourself that you wouldn't rely so much on her, that's what made her redo the world._

It was too soon for Nagato to get fed up; all that had happened was hide and seek. Or maybe Haruhi's demands which had to be fulfilled without her knowing anything new had forced her into a corner. But Nagato would never replace herself with _It_. She knew _It_ was too dangerous to be around me, and I would eventually run into trouble, even if she erased my memories. Nagato didn't take risks like that. Certainly not after she revived _It_ in the alternate dimension where I thought I lost Haruhi (Um yeah, Nagato? That wasn't your best idea, or at least, it was a bad mistake).

"Kyon! You're going to be late for school!" My little sister's shrill scream broke the melancholy silence.

"I'm coming!" I yelled.

After shoveling some breakfast down my throat and hastily waving goodbye, I pedaled faster than I ever had to school.

_It_ was smiling and waving at the rest of the class, looking docile and sweet. I ground my teeth, suddenly realizing that the only person who knew about Nagato was _It_, and the only person who could take me to insult the Data Overmind and demand for her back was _It_. As _It_ sat behind me, I felt a heavy weight on my chest as I knew I could not get Nagato back.

This heavy cloud continued above me for a few days, until something new happened.

Koizumi turned towards me during the SOS Brigade headquarters, as I was staring in the corner where the Literature Club had been.

"You look rather sombre," he noted. I looked down and noticed he had lost. "Is something wrong?"

"No..." I noticed a cup of Asahina-san's tea sitting near me, having gone cold long ago.

"Are you sure, K-Kyon-kun?" Asahina-san asked nervously. "W-was the tea bad?"

"Mh," I sighed and drank the tea, suddenly feeling burdened to be forced to drink.

"Hey! Kyon! You're being a bore!" Haruhi yelled at me, her voice muffled by a rice ball.

"Haruhi."

"What!"

"Your face is covered in rice."

Haruhi glared and wiped her face off.

"At any rate, you're letting everyone down with your mood."

_Really? Because I don't exactly remember being the guy in a pink jumpsuit who goes around hugging everyone while handing out cookies._

"I just said, you're looking depressed and melancholy, so you're making us worry!" Haruhi answered. How did _she_ know?

_My facial expression never changes. Maybe it's because she experiences many melancholic bouts._

"Well, maybe I just am a little down," I fired back.

"Then tell us!" Haruhi yelled.

"I don't feel like it-"

"Didn't I tell you that even if it's stupid, it's not good to hold things in?" Haruhi yelled.

"I'm just kidding-"

"Stop being stupid and tell us! All members of the SOS Brigade must be together at all times!"

"Fine, but you're not going to believe this," I answered. "Do any of you remember Nagato Yuki?"

They all stared, confused.

"It figures!" I answered. "Here, touch this wrapper," I handed the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend Power over. Nothing happened.

_I guess it only works when hooked up to me, huh?_

"See? Useless."

I returned home and put the chocolate bar and the note into the bottom drawer. It was better to just forget Nagato, anyway. Bringing her back would just mean her being forced to babysit Haruhi again, and why would she want to? Maybe being deactivated would be a way of giving her peace.


	7. Okay, So I've Traveled in Time

I now slept with the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend Power under my pillow. I had tried to forget Nagato, to no avail.

I tried tearing down my little sister's Chocolate sign, when a voice whispered _Nagato was the one who saved your sorry face when you were nearly killed by Asakura, who took you back from a crazy alter-dimension._

When I tried to drop the bar into the trash, the voice hissed W_ho helped you win the baseball match and made the computer club's video game contest fair?_

When I thought of hiding the chocolate bar somewhere else or feeding it to my sister, it hissed _Nagato edited The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru at the last second, and um, you do remember it's the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend, right? Also, you'd need NAGATO to change your little sister back._

_I think I should name this voice. Maybe it can be my good friend Rufus the Sarcastic Pink Unicorn. I don't even know anymore..._

I would lie mornings on my bed, counting the amount of days since Nagato had vanished. Rufus yelled at me for not saving her, and the scaredy cat part of me yelled at me for thinking of doing such a stupid and difficult thing.

Now all that I heard was Rufus and my scared part yelling at each other in my brain. If I had been lackadaisical in my studies before, now I could not concentrate or attempt anything. The words in my head consisted of angry voices telling me I was a coward and a traitor. I belonged on the ninth level of the Inferno.

Koizumi and Asahina-san were unusually quiet during Brigade meetings. Taniguchi seemed to be busier. Haruhi got more irritable, yelling quicker at me than usual, and was not even in the mood for dressing up Asahina-san. Instead, she would spend hours jogging throughout the school restlessly. _It_ was always smiling at me and clearly thought it had won. _It_ even started ignoring me.

Finally, after school, a smiley Koizumi came to me, his smile more obviously plastic than usual.

"Tell us what's bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me," I answered.

Koizumi smiled kindly at me. Then, out of nowhere, he slapped me.

The sheer force sent me back, flying. I hit the ground and heard a crack from my spine, but my cheek stung hardest.

"I think you should drop the mysterious brooding routine," he said.

_ If you didn't spend ridiculous time with him, you'd think he was smiling like the psychopaths in movies. _

No, he was clearly mad-furious, really. I edged back and brushed myself off.

"I'm not brooding, I'm always like this."

"Oh really?" Koizumi's smile widened, even angrier. "You seem to be. Snapping at us, always glaring at us, telling me everything at the last second, you seem like you want to pick a fight with me, and you are doing everything to annoy me."

His eyes opened and closed ruefully. We spent five minutes of angry glaring. "I apologize for slapping you...I do not like resorting to such methods...I will leave," he backed away slowly.

"No!" I grabbed his collar. Nagato's disappearance had been making me really guilty and gloomy and I was so tired of it. "I'll tell you...but some other time."

Koizumi coldly knocked my hand aside with the back of his left hand. "If you are to speak then you are to speak now."

He smiled. "Otherwise I'll just have to send you to some alternate reality where you experience me slapping you in a continuous, never ending loop."

_Can you do that?_

"I wouldn't ask that question if I were you."

Then, with sudden force that did not go along with his harmless pretty-boy persona, Koizumi grabbed me by the collar and started to drag me.

"H-hey!" This had used to be Haruhi's thing. I mean, the whole 'drag Kyon by his shirt across the floor like a sandbag on the dirty school floor where who knows who has left their germs and spilled goodness knows what harmful chemicals."

_It's not like I enjoy my life being endangered by having my body smeared across this petri dish, but you know, I thought we agreed that only one person would do that. But you know, if Nagato wants to serve me tea and cosplay and act cute, I'm not complaining and I guess I don't-Ohhhh yeah, NAGATO'S GONE.  
_

"S-s-stop!" Out of nowhere, Asahina-san appeared. Koizumi suddenly blinked and seemed to act as if he had blanked out. Asahina-san squeaked "Urmph!" and gave Koizumi a light push, nearly falling over from the effort. "Ah!" she squealed and shakily hopped over to me. "I don't like what you're doing, Koizumi, we're supposed to be the SOS Brigade and care for all members!"

Koizumi backed off, with apparent regret at having lost his cool and resorted to such methods. Asahina-san glared at him, which despite being like the adorable glare of a fluffy pink bunny with a pink bow holding a chocolate egg, was just cruel and heart-destroying.

_I feel sorry for those who are not loved by Asahina-san's merciful gaze._

"I w-want to know what happened too, but we need to all agree!" Asahina-san shrieked. "And yelling at Kyon-kun will n-not help!"

Koizumi sighed and, raising his hands, retreated a few steps.

"Kyon-kun, if you don't want to tell it's fine! B-but, it's h-healthier and...it's...we want you to help us...you n-need to be healthy to help us out!"

I sighed.

"I told you the same thing, dummy! Don't keep things to yourself! Rrrraaaaargh!"

"AACK!"

Out of nowhere, Haruhi appeared and pounced onto me, biting me in the neck. I fell over.

"YEEEOW! What are you, a leech? Ow-ow-let go!" She was still clamping her teeth onto my hand, jumping up and screaming like a dog.

Then, before anyone could come over and investigate, Haruhi jumped down and seized me by the legs.

"WAWAWAWAAA!" I stumbled and fell over, and with lightning speed was dragged over to the SOS Brigade club room. Koizumi quickly closed the door and dusted off his hands evilly. Asahina-san seized the teapot, shrieked and had to suck on a burned finger but stood guard in front of the locked door. In one swoop, Haruhi seized me by the collar and swung me roughly onto a chair. My legs and chest banged against the table but hung lifelessly, and I weakly tolerated the pain from the bruises.

"Alright," Haruhi stood behind me and pushed the chair in tight so I couldn't get out. She glared at me and put my head into a deadlock. I groaned and struggled, but she had my arms pinned underneath the table. "Now tell us."

"I can't!" I howled.

"Tell us!" Haruhi growled. Asahina-san's face showed signs of growing upset. We really had lost it.

"Te-e-e-e-eelll us!" Haruhi rocked the chair violently.

"No."

"Tell us!" I stared down at the table, without saying anything, duly ignoring the pain.

"I can't." Haruhi growled and shook the chair, but she collapsed exhausted against its back. Her head flopped without any energy onto my shoulder and her hair sprayed into my face lifelessly. Her shoulders shook. "If you don't tell us...you'll get even worse..and we...you shouldn't worry your club," she mumbled, exhausted. She raised her fist to hit me but couldn't, and harmlessly grazed my ear. She seemed to shake and let out a sob. "I can't handle it any more," she whispered, and I truly felt guilty for something.

Okay.

_We're going to tell them._

I took a deep breath.

"Haruhi," I said, "I have to talk about something very, very serious. And I promise not to run away anymore. But I don't feel safe here, and I think we should meet outside of school for this." I exhaled shakily, as the pain unfurled and exploded in my chest.

"You-"

I caught her fist without lifting my head. "I'm not running away."

Koizumi gave me a shrewd look, but Asahina-san smiled and walked over, pouring me a cup of tea and lovingly setting it down. I stared at it, my throat dry and parched, feeling too dry to drink.

"Go on, drink," Asahina-san urged.

Haruhi refused to peel herself away from the back of my chair and hung onto it. I sighed and shakily extended a hand. Asahina-san carefully slid the cup towards me and helped me to grasp it. My fingers slowly wrapped around the cup and, trembling, clutched it. I lifted a shaky arm up, spilling some hot tea on myself that burned a little, and raised the cup to my lips and drank. I coughed a little and spit the first sip out, but the next sips were a little easier and I found myself downing three cups. I pushed my chair out a little and tried to sit up, but Haruhi was still being a deadweight on it. I slowly eased her hands from their death grip around my neck. She snored and drooled a bit onto me. Haruhi slid down slowly and collapsed in a tired, worried heap, her ribbons tangled up in wild, tussled hair. I sighed and picked up the sleeping Haruhi and, nodding to Koizumi and Asahina-san, walked back to the nurse's office. Poor Haruhi. She must really have felt troubled.

"Somebody named Nagato did exist," I whispered to Koizumi and Asahina-san, "and she saved our lives several times."

* * *

I coughed as we met up at my house. _It_, so far, had hopefully not reported anything, and neither had the Data Overmind. I discovered that I had become a little shaky and spoke much faster. For the first time, I also noticed I was first to get to somewhere. I had half expected to see a panting Asahina-san and impatient Haruhi waiting for me on my doorstep.

"Well?" Koizumi asked calmly. Asahina-san was gasping for air and fanning her red face with both hands (poor Asahina-san, but it's so cute!) and Haruhi, whose face was screwed into a look of curiosity, frustration at not knowing something, and disbelief.

"Erm..." Suddenly my voice felt too weak to talk and my throat dry. I coughed and tried to moisten my mouth, but my tongue felt dry and gritty. "Erm...uhhh..."

"Well?" Haruhi asked, looking very disgruntled and uncomfortable. "Spit it out," she said grumpily.

How could I convince them of Nagato's existence without getting looks?

"Well?" Haruhi harrumphed again, crossing her arms.

Suddenly my eyes widened and I found myself seizing her by the shoulders and grabbing her towards me.

"That's it, Haruhi!" I called out. "That's it! I know now!"

"Huh-let me go!" Haruhi yelled, throwing me back with incredible strength. I might have hit the ground and broken my back, but Koizumi and Asahina-san caught me on time. I relaxed into their arms, as if a weight had been lifted from my chest.

"I got it!" I sprang up again, feeling light-hearted. Haruhi looked startled.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, suspicious.

"Haruhi," I inhaled, "do you remember something that happened at Tanabata?"

Haruhi blinked. Koizumi's smile was waning. Asahina-san's face was confused and afraid.

"John Smith! Hello! Remember?" Koizumi was frowning with concern. I was beginning to sweat. "I...uh...do you? You remember? The message! It means "I'm right here", right? For the aliens!" I spoke loudly, excitedly. "Asahina-san, you remember too, right! You took me there! Koizumi-oh..." I had just revealed that Asahina-san could travel in time. Whoops.

Just then, I really was not surprised when a small hand reached out behind all of my friends and softly but with intent to affect touched them. Their eyes slowly blinked and they crumpled over. A high-heeled pump carefully picked its way across the pile of bodies, closing eyes and whispering reasons for them to forget, forget this all. I had really expected to see _It_, but instead another sweet but terribly evil person stood across from me, fidgeting slightly.

"Hello, Kyon-kun," Big Asahina-san smiled complacently. "Welcome to your first predetermined event."


	8. Haruhi, You're A God

"I-"

"It's fine, Kyon-kun," Big Asahina-san said calmly. "Just be more careful this time, understood?"

I glared at her.

"Why can't I reveal it?" I glared.

"Because," Big Asahina-san spoke, "I've seen that future ahead. And it won't work. I'm sorry," she touched my arm lightly.

"Can't I?" I asked.

"All things must occur in a way that is logical for this to work out."

"Ah, so you're the new Nagato?" I asked snarkily. Her eyes showed confusion. "So, it's predetermined that I don't find Nagato?" I asked softly.

"Who is Nagato?" Big Asahina-san asked.

"Don't you transcend time and space-oh, right, Nagato did," I groaned. "You know what, just take me back to...to..." I thought.

"Never mind," Big Asahina-san brushed me off and turned away. Her beautiful, long hair swung in the breeze, and seeing her backside I almost took her for my Asahina-san. There was something missing from her, it seemed. Maybe it was her heart-she's proved to be rather Machiavellian, allowing Ashina-san and I to run into danger just so those events turn up in her future.

_Hey, wait._

"So, if you don't know Nagato, maybe it's just cause I haven't found you yet," I spoke. Big Asahina-san did not answer. "Asahina-san...please, do you trust me to go back in time?"

"There is no need to think when the perfect solution is already there," she turned towards me. Wow. Big Asahina-san might have been manipulative, but she was never this cold-hearted.

"Asahina-san," I spoke, "and what do you have to say about the star-shaped mole you have?"

She twitched.

"Or how you found out about it?" Yet another twitch. "And who was it, who you revealed yourself to as a time traveller, who has put this universe back together, huh?"

I had her.

"Very well," she turned towards me a little ruffled, "what do you want?"

"I want," I tapped my foot, "to go back to the time when we went to play hide-and-seek with Arakawa."

Big Asahina-san frowned. "I don't remember anything like that.'

_Oh, right. It erased your memory._

"Oh, wait! Can you connect me to Data Overmind?"

Big Asahina-san sent me a reproachful look. "Time-travelers belong to an entirely different world than your Data Ovemind," she sniffed. "So no, I believe that is what somebody _else_ is for." She pivoted smartly and sashayed away in her black high heels. That's when it dawned on me. I groaned. I heard a yawning sound and groaning and noticed Koizumi waking up.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

Slowly, Haruhi and Asahina-san stirred, surprised. They groaned and flopped over, Haruhi jumping into a ready-to-fight stance on all fours. "What happened?" she asked, scanning the air suspiciously. Asahina-san whimpered a little, blushed as she pulled her skirt down, and looked around at what was going on. "Hm?" Haruhi turned towards me. I cleared my throat.

"Haruhi, did you remember what we were talking about?"

Haruhi's face was blank. "I-erugh-you-"

Koizumi and Asahina-san stiffened.

Haruhi squinted.

"Haruhi," I said gently, "do you know a person named "John Smith"?"

Cue to Koizumi and Asahina-san sending me the most confused stares of the century. At this rate, I doubted even Rufus the Pink Unicorn-Pegasus could have astonished them any more.

_Say something, idiot._

"What are you talking about, Kyon?" Haruhi asked angrily, crossing her arms.

"John Smith who went to our school and who drew a message on Tanabata, Haruhi. I'm right here."

Haruhi's face turned pale and she fell back a step.

"Haruhi," I spoke gently, "you said if we were aliens, espers or time travelers, to step up."

"No," Haruhi stepped back again, shaking her head. "It's not true. It's not true."

I remembered Koizumi's warning if she ever learned our identities. Soon, all sorts of people would be aliens, time travelers and espers and the world would lose its common sense. I turned towards him but he made no particular expression.

"I think it's time," I cleared my throat, "that we step up."

Koizumi and Asahina-san made no move. Haruhi looked around, bewildered, "You mean-what-no, this can't be-" she stumbled back, legs shaky and uncoordinated.

"It's the truth," I insisted, stepping forward.

"No! It's not! It doesn't make sense!" Haruhi panted, turning around and running away.

"Careful! She's going to create a closed space!" Koizumi warned me.

"All the better! You can demonstrate your gift!" I yelled back.

Haruhi was sprinting at full speed away from us. I struggled to catch up.

"Hold Koizumi's hands!" I yelled to a panting Asahina-san and Koizumi, who was also barely catching up. Asahina-san squeaked and struggled to keep up, gasping and squealing nervously. I saw Haruhi vanish in front of us into the air as it rippled. "At three we jump! One, two, three!" I hollered. "Keep on fighting, Asahina-san!" She squealed as we all shakily made a jump. We all tumbled and scraped our knees, making an awkward landing in the closed space.

I looked around as Asahina-san whimpered and panted more and Koizumi helped her up.

"We've got to keep up with her!" I spoke, seeing Haruhi's back. She was still fleeing from us and hadn't noticed the emptiness and lack of life around her.

"Just a moment-" Koizumi pointed at something. It was a celestial, right behind an enormous building Haruhi was running at, that she couldn't see since she was looking ahead without paying attention as she ran.

"Haruhi! Come back!" I called.

She continued to run away.

"Haruhi, trust me! I'm not lying to you!"

"It's not real!" She yelled. "You're making things up! It's all in my mind!"

She didn't notice the celestial knock the top off a tower that deafened me and shook the ground.

"Haruhi, you have to believe me!" I pleaded. "Turn around!"

"It's all a dream!" Haruhi sank down. Asahina-san clutched my arm as the celestial knocked chunks off buildings, swung and kicked them and pounded on them with its fists. Koizumi jumped into what appeared to be a bubble and zoomed off to fight the celestial. Other figures in bubbles zoomed around, careful to dart behind buildings in the dark sky, trying not to be seen.

"Haruhi, aren't we supposed to be the SOS Brigade? Isn't it our job to deal with the supernatural?" I yelled.

"No! This doesn't exist! It doesn't make sense! You can't be John Smith!" She yelled.

"I thought you wanted to be part of the supernatural! Remember the dream? You said you were having the happiest time of your life! Look behind you!" I yelled. Haruhi shook her head and crouched down, covering her head and groaning. "Haruhi, don't be stubborn. I know you can handle it. You can stop the closed space."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say!" Haruhi growled.

"You have to believe me and I need your help."

"No!"

The celestial stomped, shaking the ground. Rubble rolled and fell. A dust cloud swept over us. Asahina-san whined louder and clutched harder onto my arm.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because! It doesn't make sense! I don't understand!" Haruhi panted. The celestial swiped at Koizumi's bubble. Koizumi dodged him nimbly, zooming side to side, but he seemed a bit tired from running after Haruhi.

"We're in a closed space-it's like a space that's separate from the normal reality. That huge thing you saw in your dream-it's a celestial. These form in closed spaces and destroy everything to maintain equilibrium."

"Why?"

"It happens whenever you get frustrated and angry," I answered.

"What?"

"And Koizumi's an esper, so he fights celestials," I explained. The celestial swiped at Koizumi. Koizumi was swatted back, and barely circled back before hitting a tower.

"I don't understand!"

"What? I traveled back in time with a friend who can travel through time to Tanabata," I answered. "I yelled 'Cheers to saving the world by overloading it with fun with John Smith!'"

"You can't have!" Haruhi argued. "Time can't be traveled through backwards!"

"No, not yet," I agreed, "but Asahina-san is from the future."

"What!"

"And you...you.." Koizumi was getting tired. The celestial was started to get hits on him and his friends. "You have powers to control reality," I decided.

"I don't believe you!"

"It's crazy, but look," I gestured at Koizumi. "He's fighting the celestials. If he and his friends don't get rid of them soon, then the closed space will become reality."

"How can that be? If I'm the one controlling it?" Haruhi demanded.

"I don't know, that's Koizumi's theory," I shrugged.

"Oh, so you guys knew! You knew!" Suddenly the celestial gained strength and smashed an entire building with a simple blow. It smacked Koizumi and three other little bubbles far far away. Koizumi hurtled towards a building and his bubble vanished, leaving him clinging onto the balcony of an empty apartment. "You knew and you never told me! You knew and you three planned behind my back to have fun, huh? Thought how long you could keep me in the dark?" The celestial was getting larger and stronger. A few more started to form, causing immense destruction and chaos. Asahina-san buried her face into my back, shaking silently.

"We never meant to trick you, we wanted you to have a normal, happy life! To spare you being assassinated by aliens and the pain of reconstructing time! So do you believe me or not?" I yelled back.

Koizumi silently fell from the building. A few bubbles zoomed down to catch him. More appeared, struggling to fight the celestials, which were impossibly strong. Constant crumbling of buildings and debris raining down made the ground tremble and shake beneath our feet. I nearly lost my balance when Asahina-san leaned against me, rocking back and forth and whining.

"Do I believe you! Do I believe you? Do I believe you!" Haruhi yelled. The dust cloud swirled furiously, the air choked me, and I could barely make out her features even though she stood only a few feet away in a firm, aggressive stance. "Do I trust you!" I coughed again and my eyes were watering and my tongue dry and parched, my legs shaking from the effort of standing.

Then all of a sudden, the espers united into a shower of bubbles supporting Koizumi in the middle and zoomed in on a celestial like a meteor shower, annihilating him. They began to attack other celestials in this formation, as if they were all of one mind, one-by-one defeating them.

"You have to," I croaked, "please."

The espers, who obviously were furious and ticked off, destroyed the last of the celestials. The closed space was starting to vanish as the top of the dome-like world began to crumble and light poured in.

I fell down, tired from standing, and felt Asahina-san tugging me and whining "Kyon, Kyon, you have to get up now..." I seemed to fall in between consciousness and slumber in a few seconds, as I found myself mumbling "Not yet, Asahina-san...not yet Asahina-san...I will, Asahina-san..." sleepily as she insisted "But you just said that, Kyon-kun, you have to get up now! You just said you would three times already!" At some point, two glowing bubbles came down and deposited a fatigued Koizumi, who with slightly shaky legs descended and seemed to be walking over to me to check me out, but I blinked and as if several seconds had gone by I was in a light-filled, normal world with Asahina-san and Koizumi shaking me awake.

Haruhi, it seemed, was crouched down with her back facing us and staring up at the sky as if she still hadn't figured it out, but was just about to discover her own astonishing powers.


	9. Love Poetry At Its Finest

_Your blue hair is like_

_Seaweed, your face beautiful_

_Learn to not take drugs_

_Koizumi said to say something about your eyes but I've run out of blue things to compare to. Your eyes are like your hair; they match. There, happy?_

* * *

Haruhi was still in shock when I rubbed my eyes, walked over and lightly shook her shoulders to rouse her. I half expected her to whip around and kick me in the shins, flipping me over, but she didn't notice. Her eyes were gleaming with some starry daze.

"Haruhi? Are you alright?" I asked.

She blinked and the glittering vanished, replaced by a usual grumpy Haruhi frown as she pushed me. "Of course I'm fine, you idiot!" But her eyes still zoned out and a dreamy, absentminded smile formed.

We walked together in silence, with Haruhi looking down at the ground and skipping from one foot to the other mindlessly and spinning in lazy circles or throwing her armband into the air and catching it, her short hair bouncing and gleaming brown in the sunlight. I looked upwards and breathed a sigh of relief. Koizumi and Asahina-san awkwardly followed behind me. I cleared my throat, walked past a dreamy Haruhi, and opened the front door.

"Well," I said hesitantly, "come on in, and we'll...um...talk. I'm sure we have something to eat..."

Instead of raging at me for not planning ahead, Haruhi silently nodded, as if she didn't care whether or not she ever got to eat again.

I brought a plate of cookies and milk to my room, Koizumi locked the door and we all sat down in various places.

"Well?" Koizumi asked.

_Now that everyone knows, tell them about Nagato, you ninnyhead_, Rufus growled at me. I sighed.

"Okay," I took a shaky breath, "so, now we've sorted out that Haruhi-"

"Wait!" Haruhi turned towards me. "So, you mean...all those times..." she started prattling off about times where Nagato or her powers had caused something wacko. I sighed and answered "Yes" and let Koizumi handle the rest.

Yes, my cat Shamisen did have the capability to speak. Yes, you temporarily brought passenger pigeons into existence. Yes, the Mikuru Beam did send out a highly dangerous laser that could have burnt a hole through my head. Yes, Koizumi is an esper-and no, he does not feel like flying right now because he's not in a closed space. No, my closet is not a closed space (nor do I have to come out of it)! No, I did not kiss you in your dream, you have weird taste-ow, that hurts! Okay fine, but it was because it was the only way to get out-ow! Ow! No, stop that!

Her eyes shined excitedly as she spoke "I knew it!" and started talking about experiences where she was sure to have felt it, and rambled on whether her power worked like this or that or if she should start testing it or change the SOS Brigade so that its job would be to-

"STOP!" I spoke loudly. Haruhi turned towards me, annoyed. "I'm just..." I sighed and reminded myself I had lashed out a lot at my friends already.

"Just...please, can I talk for now?" Haruhi crossed her legs and arms, and Koizumi and Asahina-san nodded looking nervous. "Whether or not you believe me on this, just for now assume that what I'm telling is the truth, okay?"

And I told them everything (except for Rufus, of course, and Big Asahina-san). I apologized to Koizumi and Asahina-san for revealing their identities and Koizumi raised his hand to indicate he wished to speak.

"You are saying," he squinted, "that this Nagato has been deleted and replaced by Ryoko Asakura who murdered you and said alien left you a special device that allows you to remember her?"

"Yes," I answered sheepishly, "...a chocolate bar that has the power to switch the consumer's physical gender." I turned towards Asahina-san, Koizumi, and Haruhi. "And I have a strong suspicion that someone around us can help us and take us to this Data Being Thingy."

Koizumi stroked his chin thoughtfully as Asahina-san stared at the floor and Haruhi gazed at me with wide, eager but clueless eyes. None gave an answer. I sighed. "It's fine, I didn't really expect-"

"Um,, Asahina-san said, blushing furiouly, "I-I think that...I might know who that is..."

Koizumi and I duly gave her glances. "Really, who?" Koizumi asked kindly but somwhat indifferently.

"Er...didn't Kyon-kun say...N-Nagato was replaced by A-Asakura-san," she stammered. "N-nevermind, I don't really...ehhh.." She gazed downcast at the floor. Koizumi pondered this then snapped his fingers.

"Well said, Asahina-san, I suppose now all we need do is convince her to help us."

"What?" I backed into a wall. "That's impossible, she tried to kill me!"

"You yourself said she was instructed not to harm you," Koizumi nonchalantly pointed out.

"She's crazy," I whispered.

"She's our only link. As we cannot guarantee that she will not harm us, perhaps it is best for you to be the one to confront her," Koizumi suggested.

"How? You want me to send her love poetry or something?" I stuttered.

"Actually, that doesn't sound so bad," Koizumi said, despite Haruhi's suddenly shocked face. Did he get a new personality when the celestial knocked him into a skyscraper? You know, a proactive, not "Be careful because of blablabla" personality.

"Wait, this is very sudden-"

"I say we should get started on this as soon as possible!" Koizumi proclaimed, slamming down his fist enthusiastically and scaring Haruhi and Sashina-san. "So if you aren't going to, then I shall!" Asahina-san squeaked nervously. Haruhi raised an eyebrow.

"I'm ready to participate, but are you sure you want to do this, Kyon-kun?" She asked, meeting me dead-on in the eyes. I reflected a bit.

"I guess," I replied.

"I shall begin writing sappy love poetry!" Koizumi zipped away, Asahina-san walking worriedly after him. "Asahina-san, determine the number of Asakura-san's new locker!"

"Hey, only I can order Mikuru around!" Haruhi yelled, stomping after them. I sighed.


	10. I Play the Ladies' Man

_I feel steady about you_

_Very very steady_

_Whenever I see you_

_I always retch the same amount of vomit_

_And my heart always tingles_

_Of dread knowing that the assassins have failed once more_

_Some day I shall get a heart attack_

_From seeing your true face_

_Dying of laughter_

* * *

_"_And thus, through this operation, we shall harness Asakura-san's feelings and shoot her point-blank with love and touched, she shall come with us!" Koizumi declared.

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Haruhi asked skeptically.

"Well, I'm not really into it, but Koizumi has gotten really obsessed with it somehow, and I haven't got a better plan," I sighed. Haruhi frowned.

"Well, whatever gets you to win," she said grumpily and stomped off. Koizumi had looked at my own love poems and for some reason deemed them too "sardonic" too use and instead written his own. They were incredibly deep. I swear I shed a tear (of laughter) just reading one.

"Alright," Koizumi said brightly, "I have finally figured it out! We shall attack at these three corners! Asahina-san, you shall hide behind here where you need not worry about danger!"

"Why are you so carelessly endangering Asahina-senpai!" I yelled angrily.

"N-no, don't worry K-Kyon-kun! It was my idea!" Asahina-san's head lowered. I gaped. She spoke like a child who had been caught doing wrong, "I-I just realized...I-I'm not helping very much, e-even if I want to, I d-don't always m-manage to p-protect you," she said guiltily, "a-and I just r-realized t-that with this Nagato-san, I w-was still useless...a-and I want to be of use, this time!"

"Naturally Miss Suzumiya will be hiding wherever she wishes, after allowing me to be leader of this expedition she was by no means going to be ordered about," Koizumi said brightly.

_In order to be leader, don't you need to order people around?_ Rufus asked confusedly.

Shut up! Shut up!

"She claims to have prepared a, and I quote verbatim, "super awesome hiding place", so I have no idea where she will be," he added.

"_Kyon-kun, I didn't like the way you treated me," a bloody and grinning Haruhi speaks._

_"Aaah!" With a scream, Haruhi tackles me to floor and starts to viciously stab me with a knife. _

_"Poor Kyon-kun," Haruhi croons, "even his little sister doesn't call him "Onii-san"! Ooh, is that chocolate? Lemme eat some~!"_

_"_Are you alright?" Koizumi asked.

"Yeah...yeah," I nodded, trying to forget the mental image.

"I will also be hiding in some secret place," Koizumi added.

"_Kyon-kun..." A dark and tired Koizumi speaks from the shadows. _

_"Yeah?"_

_"It's tiring, all this waiting," Koizumi rasps._

_"Ah? I guess so."_

_"I've waited too long! I am in love with you!" Koizumi suddenly pounces from the dark as I scream out to the heavens that-  
_

"You are to wait in the classroom and lure the target in...are you quite alright?" Koizumi asked.

"Yeah...yeah," I managed, catching a good grip on the table. "Hey, uh, Koizumi?"

"Hm?"

"...uh, why are you all of a sudden like this? It's like...you've got some new energy or something..." Koizumi turned towards me, lowering the plans. "Is it...because you aren't trying to hide everything from Haruhi?"

"Well," Koizumi answered in a low voice, "it is rather liberating, and I suppose all damage has been done, and perhaps this is another step in evolving."

"Ah, okay, I'm glad," I answered.

"Mh. So, you don't mind if I have you reveal your secret feelings towards Suzumiya-san to increase her chance of having a happier mood?"

"I rather think she'll create more celestials!" I complained.

* * *

I took in a sharp breath as I waited in the classroom. Koizumi made no sign that Haruhi and Asahina-san were in the classroom, merely told me to be there at a particular time and left me a single rose to take for good luck. He also said that ingesting its leaves were good luck and would 'make me happy', but I think he was either confusing the wrong plant or messing with me.

I heard very calm footsteps and the door opened, creaking silently. _It_ opened the door and smiled gently at me, saying "Oh, hello" as if it were a normal conversation, and entered. _It_ closed the door, then turned around and smiled at me. "How are you doing?" _It_ asked politely.

"Fine," I answered, feeling like an idiot. I felt like even the rose was sweating. "So..."

"What do you want to talk about?" _It_ turned its sparkling eyes towards me. Terribly beautiful, yes, but evil so. _It_ folded its arms properly and fixed its gaze on me, turning up the wattage of its eye sparkles.

"I...summoned you here to talk to you about something," I spoke with difficulty. "The truth is...I...I..."

"Yes?" _It_ asked.

"I..." I held out the rose, my arm shaking.

Then it suddenly occurred to me that in front of me was the only pathway I could think of to reaching the Data Overmind, even if I believed Koizumi was wacko and that Haruhi's godly powers would save my sad posterior in the end, there was no way for _me_ to get to her alone. And forcing Koizumi or Haruhi to think up an alternate one just because I didn't want to deal with _It_ at the moment was selfish. Koizumi already had planned out a lot for me and Haruhi did not have 't the godly control to come up with godly powers. It was time for me to also put some input in the impossible mission I had demanded suddenly of them, and after all...

"The truth is," I blinked ruefully, "for a long time...I have been wanting to talk to you, Asakura-san," I gulped.

"Oh?"

" Yes," I took a step closer, and clenched the rose. The thorns dug into my flesh, and without thinking I threw it onto the ground and ground it up with my shoe. I turned towards her and fixed her with a steely glare, even though I knew Koizumi was internally screaming at me for deviating from the plan.

"I need you to do something for me," I spoke with determination. _You're taller than her, anyway, _I reminded myself, _you need not worry. _"You remember somebody named Nagato, don't you?"

Her face darkened.

"Doesn't it ever occur to you that if she was deleted rather easily, you could be just as easily removed?" I asked. "Sure, for now the Data Overmind is fine with using you, but only as long as you obey its orders. Maybe tomorrow you will be deleted and perhaps replaced with Nagato, who was much nicer and more capable than you," I smirked. She stared at me with a shocked look and sent me one of hatred. Good. I felt like picking a fight.

"You wouldn't understand, you mere human-" Her hands jerked around my neck but stopped.

"Or is it," I smirked, "that you're afraid of something~? That I, a mere human, will somehow overpower you? Are you afraid I have something you don't? I mean, I'm quite disappointed in you, Asakura-san, you already tried to kill me once but you failed...oh, right, it was Nagato who defeated you, wasn't it? I always knew she was the better program..."

I didn't exactly like to use insecurities against her or taking revenge, but it was all I could think of, and as I said she did try to kill me just for fun, maybe a little teasing might be okay...

_Keep this up and you'll be as heartless as Haruhi_, Rufus muttered.

_I'll mind my own business, _I sighed.

"Nagato had prettier hair, didn't she? I always thought short hair was better than long hair, yours looks really tacky, Asakura-san-"

"SHUT UP!" Asakura screeched and threw me across the room. I hit the wall and groaned, but sat up, my entire body throbbing and leaving me panting for breath. Asakura's eyes were hidden by her long hair and she stood absolutely still in a fighting stance, no longer prim and proper, inhaling deeply.

"Koizumi, didn't you get a nice video of that? Come on, Koizumi, I know you were recording that for blackmail material," I called out, and watched as her face turned shocked and pale again with fear. "Whatever. My friends are well-hidden, but let me let you know this; we are going to fight for what we want, and we know that if it gets out to the Data Overmind you just tried to kill me and how we all found out about Nagato despite it being your task to erase her presence, you'll have a looot of trouble won't you?" I asked playfully. Her face turned angrier and angrier. I smirked triumphantly.

"Buuut if you go along with us, you have just the same chance of being deleted, haven't you?" I asked. "Only, we've got evidence that you tried to kill me just now."

Asakura glared up at me with angry tears in her eyes. I must be going mad, but actually I was somewhat pleased. Maybe because I'd wanted to pick a fight with her and have her feel angry too. Either way, I guess the desire to hurt her left, and with regret I said, "I mean, it's your choice, but whatever works...if you want, you can come with us. If you want, you can stay with the Data Overmind, but if not, you can come along and rebel against it. If I were you, I'd be tired of obeying its commands." I turned around and turned the doorknob and made to walk out coolly when I felt a hand seize the back of my shirt, and with the strength of a bear, Asakura turned me around to face her again.

She was smiling again.

"Very well, but if I am going against the Data Overmind, let me remind you that I am no longer required to refrain from killing you anymore," she grinned.

I felt myself mumble something like "I will take note of that" before passing out from relief and wondering whether I'd finally gone crazy (though come to think of it the aliens should have clued me in on that.)


	11. Haruhi's First Supernatural Encounter

_If I were a belt I would make you feel fat every day_

_If I were a scarf I would make your neck uncomfortable every day_

_If I were a human I'd insult your tacky long hair_

_Nagato looked better in glasses than you do as a human girl_

_I hope in my next life, I get to be born as a tiger_

_Or maybe if programs get reborn_

_I hope you show what you truly are and get born as a plastic mask_

_How I wish I were your mirror! _

_I could insult your tacky appearance all day!_

_Or that I was a mask vendor_

_I'd pay the customers to buy you!_

_Or I'd sell you for 666 yen._

* * *

"Hello!" Asakura walked in smiling to the SOS Brigade and plopped down right next to Asahina-san.

Koizumi and I looked at each other and Haruhi at Asahina-san, and Asahina squeaked and dropped her knitting. For a fraction of a second I might have thought Asakura looked a bit disappointed, but she reverted to her cold, bright smile.

"Well, what are we doing?" She turned towards us expectantly. "Haven't you a plan?"

"No," Koizumi frowned, "we're still working on that..." He was still hung up about me deviating from the plan and yelled at me for an hour before leaving me without thanking me for succeeding brilliantly. Asahina-san ended up waiting the whole night in a closet until unexpectedly she was rescued by some unsuspecting teacher around four A.M. Haruhi revealed her hiding place (she was disguised as a garbage can), tackled me joyfully and gave me vicious noogies while laughing sadistically.

"Well, I think you ought to have a plan," Asakura said, frowning a little too, but her smile somehow remained perfect. "After all, why waste my time if you haven't?"

"Well, unlike you, we're not fakes and yes, we do figure out things," Koizumi smiled with annoyance hidden behind the gentlemanly, pristine smile. Funny how two people who I could not think of as more similar don't seem to like each other as much. Why, they ought to go out together! I'd split my guts from laughing and give myself an appendectomy.

They continued to argue and hate each other while still smiling, so Asahina-san watched them and probably became more confused than she'd ever been, sweat drop after sweat drop rolling off her forehead, while Haruhi and I became bored started playing cards with each other until they finished.

"You'd think people as plan-oriented and fake-smiley as them would have been destined," I said tiredly to Haruhi.

"No I wouldn't, you're just an idiot," she fired back. I laughed, to her surprise.

"Always as smooth tongued, huh, Haruhi? Though I do appreciate you kind of letting Koizumi take a bit control and giving us liberty, I'm really proud of you." Her face flushed. "You've been growing, haven't you?"

"What the heck was that supposed to mean!" Haruhi asked angrily.

"Hey! Hey! Didn't mean it like that!"

Suddenly my chair fell over for no reason. I had not been leaning backwards, I was actually leaning forwards, and suddenly all of the cards were in Haruhi's favor. She smirked at me as I laid undignified on the ground, groaning.

"You've been using them, haven't you?" I accused.

"Well," she smirked, "what else are godly powers good for?"

* * *

"I've been having a lot of fun testing it out," Haruhi spoke as she walked home with me, "I tried to move or create things, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes weird things happen, but..."

"Wait!" I stopped her abruptly. "You can't just mess around! What if you really mess something up? Why do you think Koizumi and I hadn't told you about it before? Haruhi, you can't abuse your powers!"

"I know!" Haruhi spoke. "I haven't done anything crazy, and at least it's not like those battle auras or magic powers in anime, but I can tell the world is changing! Just a little! I just tried to grow flowers here or there or will for something to happen-"

"Well," I spoke quietly, "maybe don't try to raise the dead just yet, you might start off a zombie apocalpyse!"

"Take that back!" Haruhi flushed.

"Ack, stop that! I'm just saying, it's good you're-er-trying to control your powers, but don't try anything major-"

"Like?" Haruhi asked, frowning.

"I don't know!" Translation; I'm not giving you any ideas!

**Try to calm her down,** a voice in my head whispered.

Who are you? I asked blearily.

**It doesn't matter, just try to calm her down and stabilize**.

"Haruhi, I'm sorry, I'm sure you'll be very responsible-"

"Fine! I'll show you!" Haruhi stomped. The sidewalk seemed to reverberate with her force, and thin hairline cracks appeared where her foot had touched it. I watched in horror as the sky darkened a little and winds began to whistle and she yelled, "I hope you _disappear!_"

I froze in terror and she kept glaring while leaning forward facing me. We waited on the sidewalk. I did not feel like I had slipped into an alternate dimension.

"Kyon?" Haruhi looked around nervously. "What was that?"

_Oh right, I'm the one who informed her on everything in the first place. Great._

"Um, well, you see your anger must have caused a darkening of the world depending on your darkening of mind-" I babbled stupidly, trying to evade whatever might come next. Suddenly, I heard a noise and a whoosh and a boom from behind me. I quickly turned around, scraping my legs on the cement, and Haruhi too backed away a little afraid. Thoughts flashed through my head. The Data Overmind? The Organization? Time Travelers R Us? I had gotten enough trouble from various members of their organization...

"Who are you?" Haruhi yelled, taking off her shoe and pulling back her arm, looking fierce and dangerous as a mother bear.

Glaring across from us was a boy who was short and had brown hair and eyes, and prominent eyebrows that looked familiar. He was glaring at us and he really looked familiar. The boy glared harder at us and said, "Watch this, it'll be fun." He closed his eyes, and lifted his arms, then we watched the sky lighten. As life slowly vanished from around us and the world appeared different, I realized we had entered a closed space.

"What are you-!" Haruhi growled and threw her shoe at him. It was fantastic, a black flash that was aimed dead center, but the boy grinned and caught it with a hand and twirled it. "You're just starting out," the boy smirked arrogantly, "but you'll get better, I'll tell you that."

"How can...I thought only I..." Haruhi turned around and glared at me, her face scrunched up and turning red.

"I-I thought so too," I confessed.

"Oh, but this is nothing!" the boy added. _Great_, _thanks_, _Mr_. _Modesty_, I thought, wondering where Rufus had gone when I needed him to chime into my sarcastic remarks. The boy clapped his hands and I felt a sonic wave resonate and vibrate throughout my bones. He stomped the ground with a foot and cracks in the sidewalk appeared. "I can break the world-" he hissed, as a huge chunk of the sidewalk to my horror dislodged itself and floated upwards, "control it-" the chunk now started to zoom about at a disconcerting speed. Haruhi and I watched it with bugged out eyes. "-And I can put it back together!" Mr. Modesty clapped his hands and in a split second I saw a gray blur and the sidewalk lay before me, gray and pristine and crackless.

"What do you want from us?" I demanded.

"I just want to give your friend a word of advice," the boy answered resolutely. He turned towards Haruhi, who screamed and threw her other shoe at him. it was another fantastic shot, but he caught it using a chopsticks motion between his index and middle finger two inches from his face. "If you read up on Taoism and yoga, you'll learn the techniques to controlling your power. Also, primrose oil works wonders too."

I blinked.

_It's supposed to help with anger problems,_ Rufus explained.

_Okay, and I am officially pathetic._

"Good luck!" he smiled courteously and picking up Haruhi's shoes, aligned them and gently placed them near her feet. He bowed and the sky slowly colored up, the closed space slowly transitioning back into real life. The boy turned around and walked away. Haruhi and I sat there like idiots in a state of shock before turning towards each other.

"Did we...just..." Haruhi stared where the boy had stood.

"Welcome to my world," I shrugged.


	12. How to Rescue an Alien

"Dear goodness," I sighed as I collapsed into a chair while Haruhi yelled and exclaimed and told the story of meeting the boy who also appeared to have godly powers. I slowly watched as Koizumi grew even more panicked and his smile dissipated.

"Hmph," Koizumi stroked his chin frowning. "I suppose there is only one possible solution."

"W-what?" Asahina-san stood up, dropping her knitting. I stared at it. She blushed and gathered up the needles. "I-it's a class project," she mumbled embarrassed.

"We have to train Miss Suzumiya!" Koizumi declared.

"What! Are you crazy? Somebody will surely die, or notice!" Asakura and I both stood up, yelling. Koizumi cast a brief, wary look.

"If Asakura-san IS to lead us to the Data Overmind, we shall need to be strong enough to overcome it. Suzumiya-san, have you learned to create a closed space on your own?"

"Not yet," Haruhi admitted.

"Please excuse me for a bit," I turned around and walked out. I heard Haruhi yelling but I continued to walk out and down school hallways. I sighed to myself. My desperate desire to bring Nagato back was starting to dwindle with perhaps hope or despair. I continued to wonder what Nagato could have thought the Chocolate Bar of Genderbend useful for. Was it another of her innocent pranks or did she have so important meaning intended for it?

_"Nagato," I knelt before her, amazed. "Finally...it's you."_

_Nagato nodded, not showing much emotion._

_"Thank you so much for the chocolate bar," I gasped, "if you hadn't given it to me, I would not won first prize at a drag contest and saved enough money to_-"

...Decidedly not.

_"Nagato, I can now live in peace," I smiled. "Finally, the one modification I have always longed for has been made..."_

_"I am happy for you," Nagato breathed. _

_"Thank you so much!" I turned around and waved, walking down the aisle with Koizumi. _

Yeah um no, and ew. And a club with me as the only boy would probably get me weird accusations from Taniguchi. Also ew ew ew.

_So what the heck did you want, Nagato! How do you expect me to muddle my way through this? You put way too much faith into me! How! How am I supposed to bring you back!_

_Stupid Nagato._

I pushed open a door and found myself in the courtyard where a few students on their lunch break also meandered about.

_Stupid Nagato. You just had to go up and vanish on us. _I kicked a bush.

"That's not very productive is that, Kyon-kun?" a mocking voice asked. I heard footsteps behind me and swiveled around. There was the boy who I had seen yesterday with similar godly powers. He smiled kindly at me. I narrowed my eyes. He waved and smiled at me mischievously.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

He frowned. "That's quite rude, Kyon-kun," he pouted. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for banter. "You ought to know exactly who I am."

"Hmph. Haruhi's long-lost little brother?"

He laughed. "You're funny." He did look kind of like Haruhi, come to think of it. Prominent eyebrows and brown hair and tawny eyes that made me uncomfortable. I scooted a few feet away. He scooted just as many towards me. "So, how are things going?"

"Are you an agent from the Data Overmind?" I demanded.

He smiled. "That's a secret."

"What, you're like Fujwara now, Big Asahina-san's quote-and-quote 'little brother'?" I asked tiredly.

He pretended not to hear, and asked "So, what are your intentions Kyon-kun?"

"I have none," I answered coldly.

"Even with my help?" he asked.

"Nope, none," I answered tiredly.

Slowly potted plants started to rise and the earth began to shake. "Even if you cause an earthquake, I have nothing to say to you," I spat. "Not as long as I do not know anything about you."

"Well, I am rather fond of chocolate-" the boy eyed my pocket.

"You really don't want to," I warned him.

"Jerk!" the boy frowned. "Well, I bet it tastes nasty." The earthquake stopped and the sky started to clear up. Students around us stopped walking around and slowly vanished and we were now in a bright, empty space. The boy flicked a finger and the sky dimmed slightly. Everything was absolutely still, we were the only two people in an empty courtyard, next to a tall tree.

I groaned. I was tired, tired of all this supernatural showing off. Why was it every time something new happened, I always got a headache from it? I crossed my arms and mumbled "Well, what have you come for, then?"

"Well," the boy frowned, "if you really want to rescue your precious Nagato-chan-"

"Hey, hey, we're not dating," I frowned, "she's-"

"SHADDUP!" the boy hollered then panted, "then you'll have to get past all the radicals and puppets of the Data Overmind."

"Sounds like fun," I commented bored, "and where do you stand in all of this?"

"I eat pudding and watch you all," he grinned and floated upwards. I sighed and he did a flip and vanished from my view. Arrogant jerk. "At any rate-" his voice seemed to come from the sky, "do you lot even know how to get to the Data Overmind?"

He was there, flying around and doing cartwheels and somersaults gracefully as if held up by an invisible wire, gliding in front of us like nothing. Haruhi glared at him jealously.

"Well, no, not really," I admitted, "I thought once we got Asakura on our side, we'd be fine."

"Well that's a problem, isn't it?" the boy grinned, suspended mid-backflip.

"It's not our fault," I fired back, "what do you want from us, anyway?"

"I want to help you," the boy grinned.

"Funny because you don't look like it."

He heaved his arms and flipped over and landed softly on the ground next to me, his hands in his coat pockets. "Well, believe me or not, if you want to be able to rescue your Nagato, you'll have to do a few things." He pulled a hand from his pocket and raised a finger. "One, you will have to be willing to open your mind."

"I think I have a pretty-"

"Silence! Second, you will have to make it so Suzumiya-san has control over her powers."

"That's virtually impossible-"

"And third, you will have to be able to enter other dimensions." He smirked. "Like a slider."

"A slider..." I mumbled. "You mean...there are..."

"Other dimensions, as you have seen, alternate realities. Most likely you will be able to find the person you seek in one. But beware, the Data Overmind is rather good at creating copies through coding. That is all. See you!" the sky suddenly burst with color and wind ruffled the leaves of the tree next to me, and the leaves looked healthy and alive, and I could sense people moving around us, pointing around and chatting.

"What...what.."

"Well, I'll see you Kyon-kun!" With one hand in his pocket, the guy turned around and waved cheerily, walking away normally like any other normal student.

I stood transfixed in place, but I felt my knees shake and give out.


End file.
